Have you ever just waited on somebody until you felt like you couldn't stand the silence of the room you were sitting and waiting in?

I wait in this room with the walls closing in around me while I wait and have been, day after day, night after night, week after week, year after year I've sat and waited.

It's the silence that gets to me the most. The feelings that come to haunt me while I wait is a whole other story.
All the mind numbing and torturous thoughts that slither their way into ones mind while they wait in the dark.  Cruel thoughts that sneak up on ones broken heart and lonely moments while they wait. 

No matter if you sit, stand or lay down in bed, with the lights on or off it all feels so dark and quiet. so, so quiet.

Ive asked myself, how can it be so quiet as the minutes go by and the thoughts be so loud and its still be deafeningly quiet?

Love can be cruel to the one who waits on the one that never does.

While waiting promises are made to yourself. What will be said or not said in the heat of the moment when the light turns on and then the disappointment in yourself when you break them. 

 
It's the beating of your heart that wildly wants to come out of your chest as scenarios flood your mind. As tears rush toward the ground from your face you are reminded that there is nobody there to wipe them.

waiting has never been easy. Its hard on your self-esteem, self worth and peace of mind.

Will I give another day to it? will I continue to suffer through this? 

When is enough waiting?

Would waiting still be so hard if trust still lived here?

Would waiting not even be a thought or feeling that I struggled with if I had just stopped long ago. 

It's my fault not anyone else's that I wait and suffer through it.

 When the waiting is over its not really over. Then the waiting is for my heart to settle. for the pain of disappointment to be over. 

Im tired. I want to be waited for.

 seen. I want the light to be turned on even when I am the one who has turned it off.

I want my tears wiped from my face. I want to trust you when you are away and the darkness to not be the room I sit in any longer.

I am done waiting..;